17 weeks

Christmas was really nice. Everyone got along quite well (except for the newlyweds, who had a few miscommunication issues - so glad that phase is over for Dh and me!!). I got some great presents - a cool jean jacket with fur at the neck & wrists from Dh, Satin Hands & Satin Lips, a funky vase from my m-i-l, also some large gifts cards to Gap & Meier & Frank that I plan on using on Friday!! And I finally got Stargate! Yay! Ha ha Yes, I'm a dork. Dh got a guitar from his parents and Blade. He's really excited, and is out shopping right now for a stand and instruction books. Ooh and I got a fabulous massage from my s-i-l Teaje. Yesssss.
When I lay down and look at my abdomen, the pregnancy is really obvious. Standing up and in clothes, it's more disguised, but I am solely in maternity pants now. Some are still a bit too big, but my belly has just popped out too much these past couple of weeks to fit into any pre-pregnancy pants. I am starting to look much more pregnant. Dh is really excited by this. Now that I am really showing, he loves to come up and pat or rub my belly, and exclaim "Look how pregnant you are!" It's really cute.
Between my boobs and my ever growing belly, I definitely have more weight in front, and I can feel it. I find myself moving around differently, to maintain balance.
Oh and I found out that my cousin Jas is due just 3 weeks after me! And Dh's friend Jan is due in August. And my college buddy Alanna is due on Easter. So basically every married girl in the world is pregnant! Ha ha It's exciting!
So the "reason" for the complete lack of Christmas bonuses at work was "Christmas came so fast this year." Sorry, but that's the biggest load of bullcrap I've heard in a while. Why don't they just buck up and tell us the firm is broke and our jobs are all in danger. Which I'm starting to think is actually the case.
I have planned for myself a fantastic shopping adventure Friday. I'm going to pace myself, drink plenty of fluids, rest whenever tired, so that I can last all day, baby! I'm going solo, because that's how I do my best shopping. When in pursuit of the Super Deal, you have to be able to focus. I had a dream about shopping for clothes a couple of days ago, and I woke up really stoked. I haven't really had a desire to shop for months, so it's nice to feel like my old self again! Ha ha

16 weeks

A co-worker asked me flat out on Tuesday if I was pregnant. I blundered through some (entirely unconvincing, I'm sure) denial. I think I even tried the line "Are you saying I look fat?" but this co-worker didn't have the grace to be embarrassed. Of course, she was really just making a statement of fact about my belly. So good thing Christmas is soon, because I don't know how much longer I could keep this a secret!
I was really bummed yesterday. For lunch I got beef vindaloo and naan from Royal India, which I luuuurrrrve. And it gave me killer heartburn for the entire rest of the day. So I guess my dear beef vindaloo is out for some time. I'll just eat lots of naan. Ha ha
We leave tonight for Dh's parents! Yay for Christmas!
My belly continues to pop out more and more, though all my maternity pants remain too large. And I moved up another cup size.

The baby's heartbeat

I wasn't expecting it at all - at my prenatal Friday Ms Campbell whipped out a little gadget (a doppler I suppose) and said, Let's listen to the baby's heartbeat. So we did! It was fast; my heartbeat sounded sluggish in the background. She showed me where the top of my uterus was (higher than I thought), and didn't lecture me for being less than perfect on the vitamin front.
I wasn't expecting to hear the baby's heartbeat (I'm not sure now why), so I didn't have any time to get excited about the prospect. But as I have thought about it since, the cooler it gets. Somehow this makes the whole thing seem more real - there is a tiny little baby in there with its heart pumping away. Crazy.
I finally got my hair cut today. As further proof of the insanely conflicting statements I hear from women all over now, Clarissa told me yesterday, "I can't believe how much you're showing already!" and Myesha told me today, "You're still so tiny!" So am I tiny or showing? And is that good or bad? Screw it, I say! Everyone tells me something different, and it's more than a little annoying. So here's my final decision: I'm showing, but not alot. If you didn't know, you probably wouldn't guess. Though this past week, it seems like my tummy has suddenly started popping out.
Dh is back from his conference, yay. We bought a tree (went to the bargain lot, since we'll really only have it for 6 days - on the 22nd we leave for his parents'). For 10 bucks, the tree is surprisingly nice. We had big plans for Christmas shopping today, but someone's new lack of endurance got in the way. By the time we left the mall, I was completely pooped. Shopping with me is no fun anymore! After some resting on my part, we headed off to Dh's work Christmas party, which was surprisingly enjoyable. 7 days until Christmas, I'm so excited!!!!

Treat Your Petechiae Naturally!

A little trick I've discovered: If you, like me, get little red dots around your eyes (burst blood vessels) from vigorous puking, try a little witch hazel morning and night. Works wonders. As a bonus, you can use the witch hazel as a toner on pesky pimples, since "they" (the powers that be) do not recommend using salicylic acid while pregnant. I like Thayer's because it has lavender in it.



Thayer's Lavender Witch Hazel Toner

When the bruising was especially severe, I let the witch hazel dry, then gently patted on some arnica. I found the spots went away quite quickly with this treatment.

Arnica Cream

15 weeks

My trip to Orlando was great! Even though it rained! At least it was sunny on Saturday, when we went to Universal & Islands of Adventure. What I did not realize was that I wouldn't be able to go on any rides because I'm an expectant mother! Oh well, we went with another lady from Dh's conference, Pati from San Francisco who is really cool, so Dh at least had someone to go on rides with. And I read half my book (May You Be the Mother of a Hundred Sons, quite interesting). Ha ha And I tried calamari, black grouper, and aligator for the first time. The grouper was delish, the calamari interesting & good, but I did not care for the aligator.
I had a lot of Braxton Hicks during my flights, apparently my uterus does not like flying any more than I do! (No word on how the baby feels about it.)
My belly is getting a bit bigger. And I'm already starting to grow out of my new bra! I had no idea there would be so much boob growth!
Oh and my second prenatal appointment is tomorrow. Though I don't really know what they are going to do, other than test for protein & sugar in my pee, and make sure I haven't blimped up!

14 weeks

I'm excited that I finally figured out how to put that ticker at the top of my page.
But I'm most excited that tomorrow I fly to Orlando!!!! Woo-hoo!
NONE of my regular pants fit anymore. I didn't realize this would happen so quickly & completely or I would have got in a "last wearing" on them all. Now I must sadly throw them all into the corner of my closet and figure out what to wear until all the maternity pants fit (only a couple fit so far). Friday I bought a pair of jeans 2 sizes larger than normal, and with a belt they are working out pretty well. I also broke down and went bra shopping. And figured out why my bras were so uncomfortably tight - I've gone up two cup sizes. Yeah, Ms Small is starting to look distinctly busty. It's weird but fun.
Rachel recommended I wait until January to drop the news on Kevin, since both Kevin & I will be out of town for much of December. That way I neatly sidestep any possible shafting on the Christmas bonus (not by Kevin - by the partners - yeah they're uncool like that). And then I can just be up front with Kevin about not working after the baby is born. So that's my new plan.

13 weeks

Second trimester - I'm so relieved!!! Today I feel funky, kind of like I have a rock in my lower abdomen. It doesn't hurt, just feels weird. Over the past week, sometimes my uterus will feel really hard, which I've heard is normal. Finding pants that fit this morning took a little time. I bought a scale today so I can monitor my weight gain. Ms Campbell said even 35 pounds would be fine since I was a bit underweight - I just want to make sure whatever I gain comes on slowly and steadily. I think so far I've gained about 5.
I really need to go bra shopping. I hate bra shopping. However, my bras are starting to get uncomfortably tight, even my bigger ones.
Thanksgiving went off fantastically. I had a cooking orgy all day and everything turned out delish. Yay! I made soooo much food. Ha ha Of course, Dh has polished almost all of it off already.
I think I'm going to tell my boss today or tomorrow. I'm nervous. Dh said I should be vague on the subject of working after the baby is born until after Christmas, so I don't get gypped on my bonus. Hmmm.
I puked this morning, but it was my easiest ever. That makes 7. I'm just glad the number's still low enough that I am actually able to keep track!
I thought of something positive that came from my miscarriage - I don't fret over the random pains I get, because I know what miscarrying feels like, so I just stop, observe the pain while it lasts, and then can dismiss it as what it is - random pain, and no cause for concern. (Usually gas ha ha) Miscarrying was the worst physical pain I have ever experienced, so I'm interested to see how it compares to labor. I imagine labor will be a more severe version of that pain.

Energy!

This morning after I turned my alarm off and went back to sleep (yeah, that's a daily thing) I had an incredibly vivid dream that I was at church breastfeeding my baby son. Take that as you will.
I still have the tail end of my cold, but yesterday & today I suddenly have so much energy. I really want to go back to my pilates & yoga classes! Yeah! Adios first trimester. My muscles feel sluggish and out of shape. I have been slouching my way along, laying around being nauseous, but now I just want to get up and do something. What a fantastic feeling, after two months of yuck!

12 weeks

Counting down to trimester 2!!!
Full blown maternity pants being worn by moi.
Saturday Dh went skiing with his brother Jeremy. It was nice to have a day off to myself. I went shopping and wasted money on beauty products that hello I totally need. When Dh came back, he had had fun and had compared me favorably to Jeremy's wife. (Part of the reason I encourage him to hang with other guys - he always seems to come home so grateful that I am the way I am. ha ha)
This was not such a good weekend. Threw up twice. Friday's was really bad, I ended up with little red dots (the nurse said they are called petechiae) scattered all over my face, and lots and lots around my eyes. I hate them! Can't wait for this nausea to be over.
Of course all of this has been compounded by my cold taking a turn for the worse. Saturday towards evening I started feeling worse, but went to see Harry Potter anyway. By Sunday I was zombie girl and so I skipped church and just laid around all day. Today I'm at work, but just for a while.
It might sound weird, but I am really looking forward to making Thanksgiving dinner for Dh & me (I? myself? who freakin cares?). Plus it's just us, so I can make whatever I want (that means no yams!!!!).

11 weeks

I am peeing a lot today. And yet am also so thirsty.
I really love my transition pants. Basically all of my regular pants fit if I am standing up, but as soon as I sit down, the waistbands become unbearably tight. So I just leave them unbuttoned, and then try to unobtrusively button them back up whenever I stand up.
Back at the beginning of October, when I found out I was pregnant, I told Dh we should keep it a mostly secret until Thanksgiving. It seemed so far away. Now it's next week, and my second trimester is only a week and a half away. Yay!
Last night I scored my flight to Orlando for $228 total. I am excited for this little vacation! Only 3 weeks away!

Seattle, April 2005

This photo makes me laugh every time. My husband might be the biggest goof on the planet - and he's so cute!


Sorry these photos are a bit old, but I'm sitting here at the computer (playing a mindless game, of course) so I thought I might as well upload a couple of photos.

Ultrasound, 10 weeks

The baby's upside down. And from this angle, looks kind of peanut-esque. Ha ha

¡Fantastico!

My appointment on Friday was great, I am thrilled to report!!!!
I woke up 10 minutes before my alarm went off because I was very nervous. My appointment was so early, I don't know what I was thinking, but that was good I suppose, so that I didn't spend all morning fretting. We were only a few minutes late, but it didn't matter, because we still had to wait a bit. Dh & I chatted with the nurse for a while. Then Ms Campbell stuck her head in and said a long rambling paragraph (which I am starting to realize is how Ms Campbell always talks), the point of which was, "Let's do the ultrasound first so you will focus during the rest of the exam." (She was the lady I saw last time, so she certainly knows my history.) I was thrilled, it's what I wanted, but didn't want to ask. Dh asked if she read my mind. Ha ha
I was instantly seized by fear. What a relief when there was the baby! Perfect size, heart pumping away, waving its little arms! I cried of course. And held Dh's hand very tightly. (I will post the picture later - I'm at work, and didn't want to get caught downloading an ultrasound pic!) I was (am) on cloud nine. I am soooo happy. It's still surreal! It's amazing that this tiny baby, all curled up and only about an inch big, has little arms to wave at its parents!
Dh & I went out to breakfast, then wandered around Wal-Mart. Clarissa's son (whom Dh teaches at church) had a birthday party that afternoon. Dh had been invited, which is so cute. None of the kids in my church class invite me to their birthday parties! Ha ha So I went with, and showed Clarissa the ultrasound! She might actually be as excited as I am. Ha ha One of the ladies there was like, "You're 10 weeks and not showing a bit," and "Look at her, 10 weeks and thinner than I've ever been," which both kind of confused me. Why would I be showing so soon? I think she was just annoyed that I am thin. And I was even wearing my babystyle transition pants!
Though the truth is, I am starting to show the tiniest bit. Where my stomach was flat, it is now rounded. Not enough that anyone but me or Dh would notice, though.
Dh's parents stopped by for dinner on their way to the coast, for their first vacation (just the two of them). Can you believe that? Married 30 years, and never took a vacation by themselves. Sandy said it was pretty much because they were dirt poor when they got married, and baby #1 came along a year and a half later. Dinner (Sticky Chicken - new recipe I was trying - and not sticky - ??) was delicious, everyone loved it, especially Sandy & Greg. I was actually sad they couldn't stay longer. Dh gave them advice (as subtly as he could - which is not very) to not spend every moment together this week, or they will have disagreements. Sandy seemed to appreciate the advice. We'll probably call them towards the end of the week to see if they want to meet us for dinner sometime.
Yesterday I didn't have any real nausea until 7:30 pm! Yay!
My co-worker Elsa keeps bringing fried chicken into work for lunch. I think I'm going to croak. It smells soooo gross.
I am at work so I really should try to do something productive.

Better Today

Sorry for dumping on all y'all yesterday. I was really frustrated. Today I'm feeling much better. It's amazing what chilling with my husband and a good night's sleep can accomplish!
Good news - I didn't have to eat a bowl of cereal before I went to bed, and I woke up feeling only the teensiest bit nauseous! My morning sickness is definitely waning! Ya-hoo!!! It still hits me every evening around 5, but it's less severe every day.
My first appointment is tomorrow. I'm mostly trying not to think about it. When I do, I can't even really visualize it, like I don't really believe that I'm pregnant for good this time. What I'm really trying to do here is insulate myself so that if it all goes bad like last time, it won't hurt as much. (Which of course wouldn't work anyway.) I'm hoping, praying that everything will be fantastic tomorrow. Say a prayer for me!

This is all a truckload of SHIZ

This is a horrible day. I'm sick, I'm tired (slept very badly), I have SO much work to do. Kevin's help: "You can work late." As in, I will approve your overtime. Yeah, thanks for freaking nothing, because I am not working late. Unless you want to see me puking in my trashcan because I'm trying to work through dinner. F that. I am getting NO support at work, and it is driving me crazy. The piles of work on my desk are all so tall, that I've had to start piling things on the floor. My filing is completely out of control, I have three cases on the verge of getting dismissed, some dip shiz client leaves me a voicemail saying, Can we reschedule my hearing, because I can't go. And another client asking for what TIME his docs were filed. As if he's getting a call back. Ha. And then Brenda drops a paper on my desk - the credit card bill, with $209.00 as my only clue and wants me to find out what it is! Do I look like your f-ing crystal ball Brenda? I need to go home and go to bed. I'm on the verge of tears. This blows.
I had been feeling pretty good, because despite the morning sickness, my hormones have seemed pretty controllable. Until today.

Riots in France

Rioting had been going strong in France for 10 nights before President Chirac even made a statement. Huh? C'mon American liberals, where's your outrage? Where are your sputters about an ineffective leader? Where are your clamors on behalf of the downtrodden? If this were happening in America, you would be climbing over each other to denounce Bush as an idiot. You are all conspicuously silent about Chirac and the mess that is modern France, while you continue to rant that America is imploding and despicably racist. Stop hating your own country. It's trendy, and it's disgusting.

9 1/2 weeks (and not the nasty movie!)

My smallest jeans don't fit anymore. My booty is too large. Ha ha
I have committed to hanging out with Sister B tonight and I have nooo idea how to inconspicuously eat every 1-2 hours without her noticing something is up. Though she's eight months pregnant herself, so maybe that will prove distraction enough for her. She has three different due dates. I don't know how this always happens to her. If you average them all together, she's due in the afternoon on November 21. Ha ha I don't want to tell her yet about my news, because I love her to death, but she will tell everyone in Brush Hills, and my plan with Brush Hills is to sweep in 5 months pregnant and send everyone into a tizzy of delight.
Poor Princess still hasn't had her baby. Two days over. Everyone at work keeps asking me if I've heard anything (because I'm the designated work contact, or something). I left her a voicemail this morning, no response. She's probably going crazy. And might have already killed her husband. Ha ha

8 weeks

This pregnancy is so much different than last time. "More" is the word. More hormonal, more boobs (hello! enjoying this aspect!), more fatigue, more more more morning sickness. Yeah, did I think I had that last time? Ha ha ha. No. I did not know what the freak I was talking about. And even now I have to admit, I am lucking out on the morning sickness, because I personally know two women who puked constantly for months and months and months. (One was still puking in the delivery room.) But this morning sickness blows! I was crouched in front of the toilet at 12:30 last night, trying to decide if I actually did want to puke. My brain said, "Please yes, so I can go to bed and sleep." But my body said, "Ha ha, suckah, no such luck. Eat some Cheerios and go to bed feeling like shiz!" My body is mean, huh. So I ate some Cheerios and went to bed feeling like shiz. I hate Cheerios now, by the way.
Going to Pilates or Yoga is a distant memory. The idea of going to the gym (smelly) and rolling out my mat (also smelly) and then getting face down on my smelly mat in the smelly gym is more than my poor stomach can handle. Especially since Pilates and Yoga are right in the middle of my (now very strict) dinner time.
That's another interesting thing. I've never been much of a breakfast girl. It was pretty much a thing of the weekends. Now by necessity it is the first thing I do in the morning. And lunch cannot be skipped, and dinner, oh no never. And many snacks in between. I seem to get full faster though, so I eat less food at each sitting, I just eat much more often. Total caloric intake has definitely gone up - since I used to barely reach 1500 per day.
I have had 8+ hours of sleep a night almost every night this week, and every morning I wake up exhausted! Getting up is torture! Lately I have taken to hitting snooze through an entire hour, and then rolling into work 30-45 minutes late every day. I might get in trouble, but I doubt my boss will say anything. If he does, well, I'll just tell him the truth and then he'll be Empathetic City. I love Kevin.
I haven't been feeling the hormones too much when dealing with Dh, it's mostly I have very little patience with my clients. They all seem so whiny & annoying now. I mean, honestly, lots of them are always whiny & annoying, but now it seems to bug me a lot faster.
An awesome pregnant chick, Reesh, posted on my blog, so I wandered over to hers. Her blog is strictly about her pregnancy and it inspired me to be a little more focused.

I Lost the Good Fight

I tried and failed. Last night I threw up. Naively, I thought I would miraculously make it all the way into my 2nd trimester with no puking. It didn't happen. I really hate throwing up. I REALLY hate it. But, really, it wasn't such a good fight. Why fight the inevitable? And I don't care what anyone else says about puking not relieving the nausea - for a good 30 minutes afterwards, I felt fine! It almost made it worth it. Ha ha
My desire to be at work is at about a 2. Out of 1 trillion. I have nooo desire to be here. And it's Monday, so 3 annoying clients (I have many more annoying clients than that, but they rotate for Monday duty) take turns calling me every 20 minutes. And I tell the receptionists over and over, Put him/her to my voicemail. So I have 63 voicemails right now and I DON'T CARE! It's kind of liberating.
Also, one of my cases got dismissed over the weekend, but that wasn't my fault either, so I don't care about that.

Hallelujiah

The law is in effect and I get to go home at normal times!!!!!! YAY!!!!! I almost feel bad leaving before 6 now. Since for quite some time 8 pm was my normal leave-work time. Blech. I hated it. Saturday, oh dears you should be so proud of me, I worked from 10 am (with 1.5 hr lunch with dh) until 5:45 IN THE FREAKING MORNING! It was horrible. I was so nauseous the whole time, and we ordered Chinese food because I thought it sounded good, but when it actually came I looked at it and just wanted to hurl. Anyway, Kevin and I were here so late that Elsa (another paralegal) showed up to START HER NEW DAY. Yeah. When I finally filed the last case, we were both so tired, we couldn't even celebrate or cheer or anything. We just kind of said "We're done" and then crawled into our cars to go home and crash. I slept from 6:30 to 12:30 when I woke up, for church at 2.
Monday I didn't go to work. It was blissful. I cleaned (the master toilet was disgraceful - when have I had time to clean the past few weeks? And dh & I have a rather strict division of labor when it comes to the bathrooms - he does the showers, I do the toilets & sinks), I shopped, I crocheted, I cross-worded. So my thought was, ahh, why can't I just start my homemaking career now? The law firm is such a drag. I know, I know, without a child to keep me on my toes, just cleaning & cooking would be boring within 2 weeks. Our house just isn't big enough to spend all day every day cleaning it. I also talked to Rainbow for 45 minutes. She told me her doctor said to just eat whatever looked good, so that's what I've been doing. Dh wanted me to eat real, nutritious meals (cooked by ????) as opposed to fruit, pickles & Goldfish (my primary food right now), but the idea of eating a burrito or omelet (the main things he cooks - and not exactly nutritious) makes me want to be sick!!!!!!
That's right darlings, I'm pregnant again! I consider it to be going better this time, because 1) I am much MUCH sicker, and 2) Dh gave me that amazing blessing in March which has given me confidence in the Lord. Perk: some of my bras are too small now! I still have a long looong time to go, but I'm really happy & excited & nauseous! Ha ha Well it's now 9:45 and I have yet to do any real work despite being clocked in for over an hour! So, time to go!

Wedding cont'd

Dh & I outside the Salt Lake Temple, June 2005.

Travis & Jeanie's wedding

The happy couple.

Sandy, Tiffany and I slowly starve as Jeanie's crazy aunt bosses everyone around about the photos.

I pause for a photo op in front of the Conference Center.

Marion Falls, OR

Annelisa, me, and some guy on our way back down from Marion Falls. Dh is behind the camera. The falls were beautiful. It was really misty and cold, though.

Birch Bay, WA cont'd

A fantastic shot of the bay. We visited in April and the weather was gorgeous.

Birch Bay, WA

In case you weren't sure...

As the more destitute of you already know, new bankruptcy legislation goes into effect October 17th. The partners think it sounds neat to work all the paralegals to death trying to file as many cases as possible before then. I dig myself out of a monstrous pile of work, only to look in my inbox or check my voicemails and find myself buried yet again. I cannot handle this level of stress very well. If it wouldn't mean I was a dreadful human being, I would quit tomorrow. Unfortunately, that would leave my very nice boss (not a partner) in the lurch, so I slave away. As happy notes, the partners okayed overtime (which the bookkeeper would never pay otherwise - yeah that's ILLEGAL) and yesterday one partner walked around the paralegals' offices handing out $50 bills. That helps me not want to curl up under my desk and cry.

The point, darlings, is that this is probably the last you will hear from me until October 17 or 18. When I don't plan on being at work.

Quick updates:

• My brother-in-law married his brother's ex-girlfriend earlier this month. Work your head around that one. Brother is on his mission & unhappy with developments. The newlyweds dated for 2 whole months. And she has two kids. I would just like to remind everyone that this is my family ONLY through marriage. I'm being mean...trying to care...it's not working. I think the whole situation is retarded and I feel bad for Elder, who is serving as he ought to and this a crappy thing to dump on him.
• Olallie Lake is one of the most beautiful places in the entire world.
• Dh is working day shift and I LOOOOOVE it.

Updates From the Field

We showed up at the "restaurant" at the "golf course" last night for Part 1 of Dh's reunion. (Quotes used due to extremely ghetto nature of both places.) At first, rather boring. Lots of hand shaking, as Dh hugs various people, all of whom recognize him (his graduating class was like 75).
I caught up with Andrea and we chatted for a few. Highlight of that convo: "I think I might be pregnant, we'll know next week" Ten seconds later - "I'm going to get a drink." Yeah, alcohol. So when you're 3 weeks pregnant, make it a Bud Light! Yeah!
After about 20 minutes we finally made it far enough into the restaurant to spot The Playa and his wife E. E, who is normally aloof and kind of snooty to me, was warm and open. As was I in return. I think we both realized that we should put our differences aside and chat all night or we would be stuck following our husbands around saying "Nice to meet you" until our faces cracked from fake smiles. So we actually enjoyed ourselves. We talked about our lives, goals, the classy people around us, how nasty this town is, etc. Lots of laughter.
I think the highlight of the night for me was when The Playa sat down with us, more than a little tipsy. He's a funny drunk, and I had never seen The Playa drunk, so I found it very amusing. That Jack and Coke really loosened him up, in a good way. I also found out that The Playa and E only go to church at Christmas, when they are visiting his parents. Dh, and even more so, The Playa's dad, who is bishop of the ward here, are in complete denial about The Playa and E. Dh told me just a few months ago that he was pretty sure The Playa was still nominally active. Uh, yeah, not if he's openly drinking at his 10-year. Apparently The Playa is now liberal, which I can't say I approve of. That's almost worse than taking up social drinking. Ha ha
The Playa realized he better stop drinking or his dad would be able to smell it on him when they went home, so he switched to water. He quickly became much less amusing, though more coherent. I decided not to tell Dh about this. Let The Playa tell him in his own way & time.
More later, have to attend the family picnic now. Cheers!

I'm A Bit Ashamed

Dh's 10-year reunion is tomorrow & Saturday. Carisa will be there, which I'm actually pretty excited about, since I haven't seen her since my wedding reception, and I liked living with her. Plus, it means I'll have someone to talk to, since Bartlett's wife and I have never clicked, and I find The Playa's wife nearly intolerable. Harrington will be there and I'm hoping to observe him closely and decide for myself if the infidelity rumors are true.
However, here's the thing. Carisa had a baby like last week. [You might ask, Then why on earth is she attending her 10-year reunion, which is a looong drive from where she lives??? The answer, darling, is that she is a Stevens, and that (according to my dh, when I posed him that very question) is classic Stevens behavior.] The Playa's wife is pregnant with baby #2. And yes, here I am, not pregnant. Obviously not pregnant. The size 26 Lucky jeans I bought off eBay are too big. I'm kind of down about it, when I think about it, which is still not that often at least. I'm a bit ashamed because while I will be feeling bad because all these women are reproducing up a storm, I will not reveal that I feel bad, and I know that they (at least Carisa for sure) will consider me not the non-pregnant girl, but the thin, glamorous girl who doesn't have to budget her money, because she has no kids. Which comforts me and simultaneously makes me feel guilty that I keep doing the lame competitive thing. But I am. And I don't really know how to get rid of it. Besides, I feel like shiz about the whole baby thing.

Don't You DARE Ask Me If I'm Blonde

Last night I was talking to my dad on the phone. I lit a candle with a match and threw the match in the garbage can. I watched as, in slow motion it seemed, the match caught a paper towel on fire. The flames quickly spread to other garbage in the trash can. I, um, blew on it, but shockingly the fire did not go out. Giving no indication to my dad that I was having a minor emergency, I carried the trash can into the back yard, dragged the hose over, and doused the can in water for several seconds. Ah, problem solved. Not quite. The can was smoking suspiciously, so I peered in and spotted a small flame still going. I really doused it this time, until the water line was equal to the garbage line. Still talking to my dad this whole time. I had to wait until I hung up to finish the job. I needed two hands. I drained the water out of the can onto the grass (hope it doesn't die) and then dumped the contents into our outside can. I let the kitchen can dry out for a couple of hours, then put a garbage bag into the can. Dh will never notice. Hopefully. He basically NEVER takes the garbage out, so I think I'm safe. Tonight I'm going to go buy a new one. This one's all smoked up on the inside. Yeah, I'm retarded.

Books & Movies - Briefly

This is Not Civlization by Robert Rosenberg - This is some of the worst prose I have ever read. And I read My Antonia. So that's really saying something. I only finished this because it gave such interesting glimpses of life on the Rez & in Kyrgyzstan and Turkey.
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith - Haunting. Shocking. Very good. Really enjoyed it. Read it now if you haven't already. Aside, this will deliver you ammunition against your elders who claim the good ol' days were so pure and virginal.
English as a Second Language by Megan Crane - Thinly fictionalized account of Crane's grad school experience in England. She obviously spent most of the time drunk out of her head, or painfully hungover, but it all seems such fun.
The Island - Much fun had by all. Parts are ridiculously implausible, but ya just don't care.
Batman Begins - Ditto the above. PS Katie Holmes's acting SUCKS

Dh the Grouch

Last night when I got home from a very long day at work, my husband approached me to assist him in the installation of a screen door. I agreed with a dark sense of foreboding that I should have heeded. Dh gets very frustrated when installing things. Then, being Dh, he lashes out at whoever is nearest. Which of course would be me.
I began assisting. He criticized my power drill ability (I think that was the second time I'd ever even held a power drill), he criticized my estimating ability, he criticized, he criticized, he criticized. And he used the tone that I HATE. Finally I had had enough. It had been a hellish day at work, it was nearly 8 o'clock and I hadn't eaten dinner yet. I told him to stop talking to me like he that or I was going to stop helping. He told me he didn't need my d**n help, and I responded that I didn't need his d**n attitude. Then I went inside to make myself a taco.
He came inside and told me that if I didn't help him right then, he couldn't install the door. I responded that it was nearly 8 o'clock and I was going to have some dinner. He then said if I didn't help him right then he would "never ever buy me anything again, ever." I couldn't help it. I started laughing. Ever, ever again?!?! Oh, no! Never, ever?! I knew I shouldn't, that it might push him over the edge, but I honestly could not stop myself. He stormed out of the house, and I settled down to my taco. Which was delicious, by the way, and not just because I was on the brink of starvation.
When I had finished my taco, I went outside and started helping him again. He had managed to do quite a lot without me. We pretended not to talk for a while, then both gave it up. We made some real progress, but then he started on the latch and handles, and there was nothing I could do to help, so I went back inside.
He came in about 45-60 minutes later, and said, "Do you want the good news or the bad news?" I requested the bad news. The screen door was too far to the left, and did not bolt shut. He was going to have to take the whole thing off again. (Something had told me he wasn't measuring often enough while installing, but being of sound mind I had kept my mouth shut. Dh has to learn these things on his own - he doesn't accept criticism gracefully.) The good news was he was done for the night. He then asked me what I wanted him to get me. I looked at him quizzically. "I told you I would never get you anything ever again, and I have to prove myself wrong." So he bought me some Ben & Jerry's Mint Chocolate Cookie and I made him some tacos. We shared the ice cream as we watched a movie.
And thus another fight with Dh refused to last longer than two hours.

I'm So Glad It's My Friday

I love working four days a week. Especially during four-day weeks. Yeah, that means I've only had to work three days this week. Woo-hoo!
So. First of all, my little brother is a married man. Weird. I really enjoyed watching The Canadian get grouchy during pictures. Ha ha I really didn't enjoy when my 19-year-old brother shot me in the hip with a BB rifle. Though he later gave me some good leads on cool new music out. I really enjoyed getting a fantastic massage from Em, my 17-year-old sister. I really enjoyed tooling around New York & Canada making bratty comments with Em & Lynn (13 years old). I really enjoyed hugs from my baby brother, who is 8 1/2 now. I really hated throwing up after the flight back to Oregon. (That was a cue to feel bad for me ha ha)
Second of all, the visit last weekend from my sister-in-law (Dh's sister, not The Canadian) went quite well. I believe fun was had by all. We went hiking one day, to the coast the next, and then visited Dh's aunt, uncle & cousins Sunday evening. Sister-in-law has made a lot of progress since I first met her, and has shed a lot of baggage.
Third of all, I suppose I should inform everyone of the status of Operation Golden Eagle, which has been permanently shelved. Golden succumbed to pressure and moved to San Diego. Girlfriend is still deluding herself, because that boy won't settle down anytime soon. Truth be told, I'm glad he's gone. Sometimes he made me uncomfortable, a la DJ, standing too close to me, making inappropriate comments (sample: "You're too hot for him to talk to"). Mostly I'm glad he's gone because JW was taking out her frustrations about his behavior towards me on me. So not fun. Things were getting really tense between us. Now things are back to normal, though perhaps our friendship has been changed deep down. I haven't had time to ponder that possibility.
Fourth of all, we are going camping on Saturday with DJ, Rainbow, & co. We'll see how this goes. I'm leery for two reasons: 1) Dh and I have never been camping with children. 2) I don't really want to be alone with DJ (kids don't count, since they don't seem to stop him from saying things). I should be able to avoid that, as long as I stick to Dh or Rainbow pretty closely. The kids issue, eh I guess I don't even know if it is an issue.
Tomorrow I'm helping Clarissa babysit Charity's kids so Charity can go do something fun (her birthday was a bit ago). My hope for the morning: I hold Clarissa's adorable baby while she keeps the boys entertained. Ha ha Then I'm going to get my hair cut. Finally. I know, I know. 6 months is waaaay too long to let it grow. I'm getting 4 or 5 inches taken off, and it will still be well below my shoulders. Right now it's about 2 inches below my bra strap, and it's driving me insane. I stopped curling it ever about a month ago (well, and then for the wedding, but barely), do you like how it has still taken me a month to call the salon? Ha ha

Operation Golden Eagle Update

**Long post. I’d say sorry, but I’m not. Ha ha**
Operation Golden Eagle has taken some interesting twists and turns. For a while JW was freaking out because she thought Golden was flirting with me. This was of course ridiculous. He thinks I am cool. Who could think anything but? Ha ha
Last week we hung out with him a bunch. Wednesday a bunch of us (being mostly JW’s siblings and friends & SO’s of siblings) went up to the house Golden was housesitting and we had a fire. After everyone else left, JW and I stayed behind and chatted with Golden for hours. And watched Conan. Yay for Conan!! JW pulled her normal retardedness - asking deep, probing psychological questions that you don’t freaking ask someone you don’t know that well. I wanted to kick her. "Who is the real Golden Eagle?" as I tried not to barf onto the sofa. At work the next day I made her swear not to do that ANY MORE.
The next night he invited JW and I over to make dessert. He likes to make desserts. And he’s good, too - that strawberry shortcake was delicious!!!!!!! We ate it as we lazed around watching "Clan of the Cave Bear," which is a disturbing movie, in case you were wondering. We didn’t go over there until like 10, and I felt kind of uncomfortable, but then we all relaxed and it was fun. He suggested that we go see "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" the next night. Yes, these things were all his idea.
So Friday night JW, Golden, his friend Anne, JW’s brother Brian & his gf, and myself went to the movie [which completely ROCKED by the way!!]. Oh and we convinced Rainbow to get a babysitter and come with!! And I was glad she did because we like to make comments to each other all through movies, while JW gets annoyed when I do that. (Rainbow’s dh was off on a fishing trip.) Then Golden, Anne, JW and I went to Denny’s where we just chatted. Anne’s cool, though JW and I could both tell she wishes Golden would hook up with her. Golden looked at me and said, We have something in common. Which turned out to be he and Keith becoming regulars at Denny’s while they were in college. Ha ha Score!
But this weekend, things turned a little sour. Golden’s gf came up from San Diego for the weekend. And JW found, to her horror, that GF is nice and cool. And they got along famously. You see, GF is very clever, and noticed that Golden always seemed to be hanging out with some rad mystery girls whenever they spoke on the phone. So she came up, and buttered JW up with sweetness and light. As I shook my head. JW is such an open book, bless her little romantic heart. She couldn’t be reserved if you paid her. Her heart’s on her sleeve, and GF worked her way into it. But JW has, as yet, done nothing overt towards Golden. We are all just charming friends. So she doesn’t feel guilty, just concerned. It’s hard to aim for a guy when you think his current gf is great.
I believe that Golden is not as into his relationship as GF is. He has never, ever, NOT ONCE referred to her as his girlfriend. [JW says he did, once.] Despite the fact that she is, and they have been dating for over a year. He always calls her "The girl I’m dating." This is such a bad sign. Also, and this is what has convinced me that I’m right, is that he has a job opportunity in San Diego (i.e., he could live in the same town as GF) and he has made no commitment to how long he will work here, and now that the housesitting gig is over, he is living with a friend 45 minutes away. And seems to have every intention of staying here. This means he would rather have an hour and a half commute than live in the same city as GF. Yeah. Exactly. My guess is she’s trying ever-so-subtly to turn the commitment screws and Golden’s having none of that. Darlings, that relationship is doomed. As Cindy Adams would say, trust mother.

I talked to Rainbow today, somehow we talked for 45 minutes about abso-frickin-lutely nothing. Usually our convos are quite amusing, plenty of quiet laughter (can't guffaw too loud on the phone at work), but today we were both so boring. I don't know, it was awkward or something. Maybe I'm a one bff girl. I've been hanging out with JW so much lately that it's like I only speak her language now. I haven't chilled with Rainbow in so long. Plus, my life has been pretty quiet recently. Which is bad, because I should not be bored. And I'm getting bored again. How the crap will I possibly be able to handle being a stay-at-home mom someday????? I secretly thrive off the drama. I need a steady, but not overwhelming stream of it.
This just reminded me of Nancy. Dh was telling me something about her, and I realized she is kind of like me re drama. Complains about it, professes to abhor it, but secretly thrives on it, talks about it constantly. That's Nancy, and that's me. I don't usually like to start drama, because that means someone's pissed at me, but I think it's rather exciting when other people start drama.
The evil part of me wants to flirt with Golden Eagle on purpose just to piss JW off and make her stop judging, judging, judging. Though obviously that course of action would be spectacularly ineffective at getting JW to stop judging the world (and me) by her standards. She was telling me this story a few weeks ago about some friend from her high school days, and she said that in HS she was the judgmental one. And then she said, "I know, you're like, what?!" when actually I was thinking, "Not much has changed, eh, J." Sometimes she is phenomenally insightful and wonderful and hilarious. And then sometimes she busts out one of her closeminded judgments and I just want to shake sense into her. Or at least a slightly broader worldview.
I watched the Mrs. World pageant tonight. Apparently you have to have big chachis to win. That would rule me out. But actually the girl who won was truly gorgeous and very charming. Sister B and I looked into entering the Mrs. Oregon pageant a while ago, but you have to front a bunch of dough and we are both poor. Ok that's a lie. I really shouldn't even claim to be poor. That's like David brainwashing his children to think they're poor. The real reason I won't be entering the Mrs. Oregon pageant is I cannot prioritize it over all the clothes I could buy with two grand. Ha ha We tossed around the idea of getting sponsors, but that sounded suspiciously like work. Plus, I was thinking about it tonight as I walked around my neighborhood - if I became Mrs. Oregon, I would be embarrassed and wouldn't want anyone to know. I feel like people wouldn't take me seriously. Better to let some chick who will cry and be thrilled spend her money there. I have a hard enough time being taken seriously as it is. David, whose opinion doesn't really count, tried to label me a trophy wife. What a retard. If I was a trophy wife, wouldn't I have snagged myself a doctor? Seriously.
Speaking of David, I've basically decided to only go over to their house when he is out of town. Which is part of the reason I haven't been over there in a while. I will just feel more comfortable this way, and I think Rainbow will too.

Flirting?!?

JW said I flirted with Golden Eagle yesterday. Which is absurd. Why is it that if you tease someone of the opposite sex, it is labeled flirting? Well, labeled flirting by JW? What the heck. Our old law clerks, Doug & Swen were great. We loved them. We being everyone in the entire office!!! Come 3 o'clock, Doug would make the rounds of the office about once an hour. He would heckle/BS with me, steal my Goldfish, then move on to heckle/BS with Rachel, take some of her candy, and then stop to BS with Kevin. It was a little loop of heckling/BS. And Swen was always up for chatting about whatever; he was really fun. So Rachel and I expressed to Kevin and Golden Eagle our dissatisfaction with the current level of entertainment by the law clerks. We argued that one of the important duties of law clerks is to entertain whoever is noble enough to stick around after 4 pm (fewer people than you'd think). He pledged to try harder to be entertaining. As a show of his earnestness, he discussed with Rachel, JW & I about how creepy it is that Tom Cruise is dating Katie Holmes. I have to say, he was not that entertaining, because his taste in actresses is crap. Who on this planet thinks Julia Ormond is hot???
And then JW tells me today that I was flirting. She was like, He was totally eating it up. It really kind of bugs me, because it's like, Oh because I'm married, I'm supposed to like, start wearing the veil and speak to men with downcast eyes. Whatever. Jen is on my side, she understands that there is a difference between flirting and teasing. I can't help but think that this is because 1) JW has a crush on Golden Eagle and 2) She reads into everything. Because she totally does. And she said, If Dh had been here, he would have been so mad. And I responded, No he wouldn't because his definition of flirting is even more strict than mine. He would not even give a crap. And he would have agreed that Julia Ormond is not hot! Guys flirt with me right in freaking front of him, and he only finds it mildly annoying. (Whereas if some chick flirted with Dh in front of me, I would be peeved.)
It's sometimes a little tricky, especially with people like me, and Dh, and even Golden Eagle I think, people who love teasing, and that's how they interact with others. I guess some people would interpret that teasing as flirting, but it's not. They would be misinterpreting it!

Operation Golden Eagle

There’s a new guy at work. A cute, single guy. JW is ecstatic. She started referring to him as Golden Eagle so that she could talk to me about him and “no one would know who we’re talking about.” (Right.) We (we being JW, myself, Annalisa, and Princess) have begun a covert operation we dubbed Operation Golden Eagle. The goal is hooking JW up with the new guy. There’s another new guy, but he’s short & married, so eh. No interest there. Annalisa, Princess and I are supposed to find everything out about him that we can and then report back to JW. We also coach her on chilling out, and what she should say, etc. It is like the high school experience I never had. JW, bless her heart, is not a particularly smooth or chill flirt.
When Keith introduced Golden Eagle to me he really obviously did a ring check! It was so obvious. I was thinking about this later. About what it would be like if I was single and a cute single guy started working at my office. My primary response: relief. Which surprised me. I was relieved that I’m not in that anymore. It’s so nice to have my husband there for me, to come home to, to chill with, and be completely dorky with, and get down with. I mean, sure being single is exciting, and usually very fun. But I think about being single, and it makes me tired. This response pleased me. It means that I now view the advantages of being married as better, more numerous, etc. than the advantages of being single. When I got married it was about 50-50. Ha ha I had to get used to being married. Now I am in the thick of it, and loving it.

Book Review

Lipstick Jihad by Azadeh Moaveni.....................................B+
Fascinating look at everyday life in Iran, pre-“axis of evil.” I especially enjoyed her chapter on the veil and the effect it had upon women in Iran. Very incisive analysis of American vs. Iranian ideals & values. I wish that she had discussed gender relations more; she was most interested in politics, reform, the revolution.
Problems: Moaveni comes from a wealthy, secular family. This has apparently rendered her incapable of understanding how a person can truly believe in a religion, how a person’s religion can profoundly and meaningfully affect a person’s worldview. She portrays Iran as a country in the grips of a very few fundamentalist clerics, populated by closet secularists just waiting for their chance to shed pesky Islam. This I highly doubt. I noticed this same problem with religion in Carl Sagan’s Contact. He tried to write a religious character, the preacher Palmer Joss, who was totally flat and unconvincing. I feel this is because Sagan did not really believe that a person could be intelligent and religious. Moaveni has a similar issue. She cannot fathom that people would actually believe in Islam, would truly believe that Mohammed is a prophet. In Iran, she hangs out with journalists and corrupt clerics who shed their veils and grab beers as soon as they are out of the country. Perhaps if she had done something really brave, like mingle with the middle class, she would have found people devoted to Islam yet still unhappy with the anarchy of the country. People who view the veil as something other than repressive and the cause of constant bad hair days.
Now, I am just joshing when I mock Moaveni’s bravery. Some of her experiences are horrifying. I have great respect for someone who voluntarily moves from California to a third-world country to confront head-on her questions about her ethnicity and cultural history. I just think she is young and doesn’t even realize she has this religion perception issue. Someone on Amazon said she is wise beyond her years, and that makes me laugh out loud. No, sorry, she is not. Someone is confusing intelligence with maturity. Silly, silly. She is very intelligent. Her analysis is often razor-sharp and insightful. Is she mature? Not particularly. She tattles to her daddy when an auntie is mean, she hangs out with her teenaged cousin because adult Iranian women are “mean” to her.
Criticisms aside, I really enjoyed the book and highly recommend it. It made me think about things from a new perspective, especially America’s actions in the Middle East, and I love being made to do that.
As a postscript, towards the end of the book Moaveni complains bitterly about casual American prejudice against Islam. Which, by the way, she doesn’t even believe in. This I found incredibly hard to stomach, because earlier in the book she portrays Mormon women as cultish. She asks in the last chapter, anguish in her words, (paraphrasing) What other religion can you slander so completely and get away with it? The answer, Miss Moaveni, is apparently Mormonism. I might take you a little more seriously if you shed the religious hypocrisy.

Yesterday was the worst Monday in recent history. My co-worker MH, who happens to be my visiting teacher, attempted to stab me in the back by leaving a scathing note about my supposed inabilities on the office calendar database, knowing that not only would my boss see it, but also anyone who happened to check the calendar. Fortunately I intercepted it before Kevin even arrived yesterday. I have no idea who else saw it; I know my friend Rachel did because she commiserated with me about it later that day. Now, Kevin’s BS radar is pretty finely tuned (it has to be, for where we work), but the fact that she even tried to pull that is what really torques me. It’s kind of like some chick trying to flirt with your husband. It pisses you off - not because you think he will flirt back, but because the chick has the gall to try. Which I SO suspect she did Saturday. That doesn’t really bother me though, because dh summed up his opinion of her in one word: hoochie. I couldn’t have said it better, dh.
When I talked to her about the note in the calendar, she brushed it off, and I couldn’t really get into it because there was another girl in the room, and the phones were ringing like crazy (MH is one of the receptionists). I think I will bring it up to her again Wednesday. I hate having to do this kind of crap, because I do not like confrontations (just ask my old roommates...erm, but not my husband ha ha). I will suck up a lot of crap before I will start a fight or get in someone’s face. But I have taken enough crap from this brat. I have had it up to here. This has been going on for way too long, and frankly I am letting myself be bullied by her.
All day at work I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, because I had two emergency cases to prepare, and Kevin was just back from his week-long conference in San Diego, and then of course it was Monday so every client and his brother had to call in and interrupt me every five minutes.
Then on the way home everyone was driving like complete idiots, and I almost hit some guy because I didn’t check my blind spot while changing lanes, so I guess that would make me driving like a complete idiot as well. And the turn signal light didn’t turn green for two rounds, like it couldn’t sense my car, and by that point I was ready to cry.
When I arrived home, dh was nowhere to be found. I called the Relief Society President, who upon a brief explanation quickly agreed to assign me a different visiting teacher. Dh had gone fishing that afternoon, but upon arriving home was very sympathetic to my plight. In fact, his response was, “Do you want me to make her cry?” which was cute, if a little unrighteous. I thanked him for his offer, but declined. Then we went to see “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,” which I enjoyed more than he, since I’ve read the book and am better at “getting” British humor.
Today I am home sick with a sore throat and croaky voice. And my birthday was last Thursday. Woo-hoo for me! Dh took me out for Indian Thursday, then my friends for Mexican Friday. And JW got me a shirt that reads, "Anthropologists do it in the dirt," which now that I have I am too embarrassed to actually wear anywhere. Ha ha