Monday, August 25, 2008

Not Good

Ace has been sleeping incredibly poorly since returning home from the hospital. Last Tuesday night was the worst - I got about three hours of (interrupted) sleep. Wednesday morning I took him to his followup with his pediatrician and mentioned the sleep issues. The doctor cheerfully informed me that the steroids they gave him in the hospital cause hyperactivity for 7-10 days and that combined with the stress of the hospital visit means he won't be sleeping much. I think I just sat there with my mouth open for a minute.

I started crying in the parking lot, and called Dh. "The doctor just told me the worst news ever," I said, choking on tears (please remember how much sleep I'd had). Dh felt a momentary panic - did Ace have cancer or something? No, it was just me being melodramatic. But I was freaking out. I knew I cannot function on three hours a night. Dh talked me back from the ledge - he told me to forget about cooking, forget about cleaning, to just focus on getting through this time. I took several deep breaths and calmed down.

Since then, each night has been a little better than the one before. I've been doing whatever it took to get Ace to sleep - letting him sleep in the swing, in bed with me, anything. Saturday night he woke and nursed three times, but spent the night in his crib! I was so excited - perhaps the end was in sight? Perhaps we could get going on sleep training again?

No. Last night was awful. Ace went to bed like a dream, so I congratulated myself - much too early. He woke half an hour later. I decided, Tough, kid, I know there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. So I tried to let him cry it out. An hour and fifteen minutes later, I gave up. I nursed him to sleep, then let him get nice and zonked out on my bed, then carried him to his own crib. That was about 10:30. He woke at 12:30, 1:30, 2:30, 4:45, and 6:15. Between his 2:30 and 4:45 wakings, I lay in bed awake, unable to sleep (curse you, insomnia!!!). At that last waking, I gave up and brought him into bed with me. He got what he wanted. He snuggled right in and slept for three hours, nursing briefly at 8. I was so tired I was able to sleep with him right against me (normally I can't - he's noisy and he wiggles). Lucky for me Miss E didn't mind playing in her crib for an extra hour.

Now while Ace was in the hospital, he hardly nursed. My milk level went way down. So at first I was kind of glad he was waking so much, to nurse around the clock every two hours, so that my milk would come back. But as of yesterday, my milk level is finally back to normal. And I KNOW he's not hungry. He just wants to nurse. All the freaking time. I mean, half an hour after bedtime? Give me a break. I feel like I'm going crazy. I've been constantly on the verge of tears all day just from sheer exhaustion. I've got five loads of dirty laundry waiting to be done. Dh's parents are coming this weekend, but my house is trashed. And Ace is still resisting all naps. This really, really sucks.

11 comments:

Cassie said...

Oh wow. I am so, so sorry, and I don't really know what else to say. Like you said, it really is like you have a newborn again, isn't it? The poor little guy must just be so out of sorts. How frustrating for you.

I wish Andrew and I could hop right on a plane and come help you get the house ready for your in-laws! I will be thinking about you all night tonight, and crossing my fingers that tonight you and Ace both sleep better.

AM said...

I am so so so sorry. I remember that poor sleep with Emma when she was little. I will not brag at all about Jackson cause that would surely come back to bite me. Good for you for trying to let him cry it out. Maybe he's just not well? I dont know. I have no advice. Just know that you have my deepest sympathies.

Christy said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. Izzy was the WORST sleeper for the first few months. He woke up every hour or two all night long. And I started feeling incredibly frustrated (and even a little angry) with him. No fun.

Izzy still wakes two or three times per night, but it is paradise compared to waking every hour or two.

This will pass, and he'll start sleeping better.

ashley said...

I am really so sorry. As someone who lived on steroids for much of my childhood, I know how it feels to be in his body, and I can tell you if he feels at all like I did on them, he feels very much like crawling out of his own skin.

Here's hoping this is the only time you'll both have to live through this, and that this time ends very soon.

Amanda said...

Oh, I'm sorry. That is so frustrating and draining. I hope Ace is back to a normal sleep schedule soon!!!

Becca said...

Sounds like you need me to babysit for a couple hours! It's for your own safety, of course.

Katie said...

Ugh! That sounds so frustrating. Good luck pal.

Two Little Bubs said...

You poor thing. Being that sleep deprived is absolutely horrible, I know exactly what you are talking about. For us, it is our toddler keeping us up. Maybe your in-laws are arriving at the perfect time, when they can help you out a bit, let you sleep, take your kids out of the house so you can rest or clean or do whatever you want to do? I hope things improve for you and Ace soon .Also, thanks for tagging me about 8 things... I am trying to find a moment to get it done!

TRS said...

Oh... if I lived near you I'd come over and do your laundry for you.

:-(
Can't help with nursing!

EdgyK said...

You should have called me. What else am I good for. You are handling it so well. Better than you think. I promise it will pass. This is how you build Mommy Toughness.

Sugar and Ice said...

I'm so sorry! Hopefully, he'll be back to normal soon, and you can get some sleep!