Criminy

Hmm, it's been a while since I posted on this blog. I have another, more public blog. That I sort of try to update regularly. It's the one I've referred to people I know. This one is not for friends to read. For reasons I'm sure you all understand.

I hung out at D's office, alone, for like an hour last week. This I feel slightly guilty about. Since I made a big issue about Dh eating alone with N. And D forced me to confront the flirting issue. But he has been a lot nicer since. I am not being very clear. I will provide more detail later. Right now Dh is getting ready for bed, and I myself have put bedtime off long enough. I have things to get done tomorrow before the Johnson Adventure begins.

My Loves

I love:
H
Making beautiful/delicious/cool things out of raw materials
Solving an expert crossword
Snuggling in bed on a gray day with a delicious novel
Catching an obscure reference
Avoiding a fight with H by acting like an adult
Rocking
Learning cool/interesting things
Getting a lot done at work
The kitchen after I have cleaned it spic and span
Really cute outfits
The denim dress from Sister B
Eve 6
Looking good in front of my boss
Analyzing everyone I know
Taking online quizzes
Reading Page 6
Mike Adams & Ann Coulter

From out of the past...

D really pissed me off on Saturday. He's such a freaking emotional retard sometimes. I had this big confrontation planned for Sunday, but then after watching Conference, well, it kind of took the wind out of my sails. So instead, I'll just take him to task if he ever says anything like that again. And it's really pretty annoying when D causes me stress, because I can't talk to R, or Sister B (he's her HT), or H, because then of course H will be on my side, and that will hurt their friendship. And heaven knows my poor husband has few enough friends, only because of his crappy work schedule.
Yesterday was fun. I introduced R to the delight of An Ideal Husband.
Two new apostles: Uchtdorf and Bednar. H knew who Bednar was, being a Ricks alumni. I got a really good spirit from both. The Prophet's talk about women blew me away. I thought, no woman can doubt her true place in the scheme of things after hearing that. In fact, I thought he came down really hard on guys. Put a lot of blame on their shoulders. And I was thinking, Oh, too bad H isn't listening to this. But then, if he had tried to watch Conference, he would have been asleep by the opening song. With how grouchy he gets by Sunday, it's best just to let him sleep.
This morning H was so sex-crazed. Don't have sex for a few days, and look out! He turns into a man-beast! Not that it's my fault. He was the one with the OC Spray. It reminded me of what that Georgey guy said about sex being a reaffirmation of masculinity for men. I think it's true, because H's gagging for it. And I'm like, shrug. If I don't think about it, I'm pretty much fine. It doesn't make me less of a woman. It's funny, the different ways that men & women express their insecurity. Women call themselves fat and go on painful diets, men become obssessed with sex.

Sister B & the Sunday Night Flash!

Sister B is kind of delusional. Okay, not so much 'kind of' as 'quite.' I talked to her yesterday, and while I appreciate her props on the job sitch, she takes everything so far. So much farther than I think they remotely go. Like, she hates RD to an amazing degree. Bring him up, and watch the swear words start pouring from her mouth. I just sit back and wonder. What, in fact, did he really do to inspire this distaste? Though I did enjoy sharing the story about the sexist idiot at church. His son was so bad!!!!!!
I love H.
The Chicken Paella yesterday was DISGUSTING!! It reminded me of my mother's Chicken Cacciatore. Or however you spell it.
So D indicated that EO would be talking to me today. It's 6 to noon and he has made no move to. And I don't think he will. But K will talk to him, becuase unlike E, he is not scatterbrained. He's so with it, it's amazing.
H played in the Pig Bowl Saturday. Dang did his butt look good in those little pants. Everytime I found him (I looked for his jersey number - 41), my eyes slid right down to his pants. Umm-hmmm.
Last night was really nice. It was one of those quality stay-home-alone nights. I played a little, cleaned a little while talking to Sister B (you can actually get a fair amount done while gabbing - who knew?) and then talked to my sister E. Some tv viewing and book reading, then shower and into bed. Wonderful. I would kind of like to do a repeat tonight. The kitchen floor needs to be swept, and the microwave really needs a good scouring. I might end up at the Johnsons, though. We'll see. Right now, I'd kind of rather be by myself again tonight.

Reaction

I told SC some of the drama, and she very sincerely told me how bummed she is to know that I am leaving. This makes me feel better.

Kerry's a Hero!

Clinton spent at much of his speech [at the Democratic convention] reminding us of Kerry’s heroism...Kerry "could have avoided going, too. But instead he said ‘Send me,’" the ROTC no-show informed us.
And then Kerry said, send me home after 4 months and 12 days in the boonies. Then he betrayed his buddies by joining the antiwar movement. Then he told a congressional committee that Americans in Vietnam were bloodthirsty war criminals. Then he threw away his medals – or someone else’s – at an antiwar demonstration. Then he spent almost 20 years voting against military expenditures, body armor, intelligence funding and new weapons systems.
http://www.frontpagemag.com/Articles/ReadArticle.asp?ID=14410

Weirdness

Last night I was at the Johnsons eating dinner. Suddenly, the phone rang. It was TS. She was crying and R said, "T, I'm coming over right now." And then she left. So D and I were like, well, we still need to go to Wal-Mart...So we went to Wal-Mart and Sportsman's Warehouse with the girls. There was definitely weirdness. When H is not around, D is much more familiar with me. And with R not there, it was even more pronounced. It made me feel uncomfortable. But I needed to go to Wal-Mart and honestly, I didn't want to get stuck watching the girls at their house. I don't have any children, so suddenly jumping to taking care of three is always a strain for me.
Anyway, he made a few comments, like, "I hope no one thinks I'm a cradle robber." And I'm thinking, "I don't want anyone to think I am married to this guy." Out loud I said, "Like anyone would believe these are my kids." He said, "Hey, they look as much like you as they do like me!" (Whereas I was referring to the size of my hips.) I answered, "No, V looks like you. The other two, well, they might be the mailman's." What I was thinking though is that I looked like the younger girlfriend and he was the divorced dad. Creepy. I did make him change his shirt before we left. It was all splattered with wood stain, though it looked like he had stood too close to frying chicken. I told him, "You're not wearing that."
It was a little funny when we ran into someone he knew at Sportsman's Warehouse. Apparently it was some guy who used to be in the Brush Hills ward. D introduced us, and the guy said I looked familiar, but I am almost positive we had never been in the same room. D said the guy was just trying to gloss things over because D's wife was obviously not in attendance.
And the guys at the binocular counter always seem to have a heart for me. Some employee used the baby to chat me up. I was laughing on the inside. D walked up behind me and the guy totally ignored him and just kept talking at me.
On the way home, D "observed" that I am into superficial things. I pressed for examples and all he could come up with were clothes and cars. I was like, whatever. Then he said I have a trophy husband. That was a pretty good one, I'll admit. My response, though, was that if I had wanted a trophy husband I would have married a doctor who was already done with med school. D asked me how I got H to dress stylishly, and I was pleased to report that he came that way. As for my supposed superficiality, my philosophy is, people are going to judge you based on how you look, so why not dress your best? The car thing, well, those are dreams. Someday I might have a nice car. Right now I am pleased as punch with my little dependable Corolla.
We had some ice cream and the girls were just getting into bed when R got home. TS seemed to have no reason for her meltdown, other than her back hurting (she injured it for real a bit ago) but since she has been on antidepressants recently (if not currently) I kind of doubt she needs a reason to meltdown. It just happens. Just look at J. Though according to J, she is not depressed.
H is so wonderful and I love him so very very much. He climbed into bed this morning and was a real jerk if you know what I mean since I did have to get up to go to work. I am really looking forward to part time so that we will be able to hang out together. It's gonna be rad. He asked me the other day where I would like to go. The possibilities are endless. We're going to visit Crater Lake, and his parents (which is actually so I can get that piano, and shop with his mom). And I requested frequent hikes.
This is a very private confession, and I know if anyone I know reads this they will try to put me in therapy for insanity, but I have been so thin for so long, that now that I weigh a little more, I feel like I need to start working out like a madwoman. I think I'm about 110-112, but that's a big difference from when I got married. I am so sure I could not even zip up my wedding dress anymore. On a positive note, I've had to get bigger bras. But my cute little pants are not comfortable. I mean, they were always tight, but now they would like cut off circulation or something. Ha ha So I gave some to L (which was dumb, because if I had thought about it, I would have remembered that she is bigger around than me). I am a 3 now. For a girl who has been a 1 for as long as she can remember, that is an adjustment. I just read this paragraph, and I am insane. I should start walking and doing tae bo, but for maintenance purposes. Losing weight now would be stupid. Plus, I will say that I look better now honestly. My hips don't stick out as much. I'm a little curvier. Yesterday I kept track of what I ate, and I seriously only ate like 1500 calories. And I didn't eat weird, healthy food. It was the stuff I normally eat. No wonder I'm a buck ten.
I think my quest this weekend will be to find a cute pair of pants that fit well. That are as non-low rise as possible. I hate low rise pants! They are the bane of my existence! Right after Client N.S.!!!!!!!

My first post *pauses to wipe a tear

Hola. This is going to be my private blog. Dude, this blog website is way better than pitas.